Re-Programming

"I'm NOT Josie Grossie anymore!"

~Drew Barrymore, Never Been Kissed

I was very proud of myself today because I not only attempted to push myself a little bit harder at the gym, especially by starting an exercise program a friend made for me, but I also came to terms with certain realities. Although I do enjoy my gym, I would be lying if I said it didn't provide me with some anxiety over the fact that a lot of people I went to school with go there, and I was anything but popular. I keep holding onto that kid in high school who was bullied, picked on, and made to feel completely worthless and undeserving... I wanna fight for this kid. As I was listening to my Sylvia Browne "Meditations" audio book on my iPod, a woman stopped me on the track just to say hello, and remind me that she worked for the dentist office I used to go to when I head insurance. This woman is the nicest person in the whole wide world, but please don't ask me her name... her name is not important. What is important is the fact that she made me realize that although yes, I get stink-eye from some former classmates, ninety percent of the time I am greeted by nice people in there... people that want to say hello... people that didn't know that high school kid. I also made the realization that maybe its me--maybe I am projecting that negativity into the atmosphere when I go there. I need to re-program my brain because I will never be that vulnerable kid you got to bully...